In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see manager."

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

  In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

  In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

  In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

  On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

  On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

  On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

  In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

  In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

  In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

  Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

  In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

  In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

  On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."

  In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

  In a mid-California restaurant/gas station:
"Kids with gas eat free!"